Lost Faith. What Now?

Well it seems that I have been writing quite a bit here these last two days. The reason I guess is to stay sane. I believe I could easily slip into a place where no person could ever find me. Have I lost complete faith? I keep trying to convince myself that I just need some time to think. Some time to gather my thoughts and come up with a plan. The fucking phone keeps ringing and ringing. I have emails and text messages coming by the second. The kids voices are pounding in my head. They need me, but right now I need me. Why can't I just be left alone for five fucking minutes. Why can't somebody return the gesture that I have graciously offered to them? Don't let my babies see me like this. I feel like every person in this fucked up world is tearing at me. They are pulling me down. Now I know what the Downward Spiral is like. I feel like I'm trapped. Everything is spinning so fast. To fast for me to see clearly. I can't breathe, and when I finally do my breathing is short, deep, and drawn out. Why am I holding my breath? Why am I doing anything at all? I just need a break. I just need someone to hold me. I really just Need EVERYONE TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to deal with people right now. I guess I don't want to deal with anything right now. This is what scares me the most. I'm not this person, but right now there is no one else here, so I must be. This isn't me! Oh but it is. There goes the Fucking phone again. Hold on baby I'm coming. Why can't the world just go fuck itself and leave me be. Take it all, because I don't need it anymore. I had something once, but now I don't even know myself. If you don't know yourself how can you have faith in others?